I really had problems understanding why some people participated in the seminar. It soon became obvious to many of the participants and the leaders of our seminar that some people saw this as more of a “tourist trip” and a vacation than an educational seminar. Initially I quietly tried to remind certain people that they were there to learn about the Jordanian and Arab cultures, Middle East history, and Islam and that as participants and guests in the country it was our responsibility to act with respect. Sadly, this did not go over well. I was called a “wet blanket”, boring, and uptight. My blog was spammed, (I just allowed two posts so that if people were interested they could see what had happened, then I started deleting the rest.)
One woman in particular stood out. She refused to attend many of the activities instead spending her time complaining about everything and partying late into the night. She dressed flamboyantly and always covered her head with outrageous scarves. It seemed to me that she was some how attempting to make a mockery of the Muslim head covering. I was embarrassed. When asked why she was doing it she responded with, “I’ll send out an e-mail when we get back.”
Well, the other night she sent the e-mail. Sadly I was even MORE embarrassed when I read her reasoning. Scathing, I wrote a rebuttal and just sent it off. I am now waiting for the masses of nasty e-mails that I am sure I will receive.
So why am I posting this on my blog? Many reasons.
One- to apologize to the Jordanians that we met. It has come to my attention that there are many are reading this blog and I want you to know how embarrassed and sorry I am for the behavior some of my countrymen exhibit when visiting your country.
Two- to apologize to the expats living in Jordan who have to deal with the ramifications of the behavior of those visitors. One night I sat with one of you listening to your anger and frustration. I so understood your feelings. I was once an expat too. I know how negatively tourists can affect your life in a foreign country. Eight years after I returned from my stay abroad on a small island in the Caribbean, I still wake up time to time with nightmares from the repercussions some tourists’ behavior had on my life.
Three – To remind anyone reading this blog and thinking about traveling to a foreign country that you are an ambassador for your nation when you travel. Your behavior abroad affects more than yourself.
When 9-11 happened people continuously spoke about the fact that Americans were hated overseas. “Why do they hate us?” they would ask. Why do they think we are all immoral? I tried to talk about American TV shows and movies. I tried to talk about tourists’ behavior overseas. Most people didn’t understand and tried to tell me that it was their “right” to behave however they wanted to. So I spoke about how individual rights were not as important in some countries as the honor of the group and that when you behaved in certain ways your behavior is not seen as a reflection of your personality, but that of the group you came from. To this I was called “a harped-wannabe liberal who can condemn others immediately for their actions”.
Can’t win, can I?
Oh well, below is the letter we received. I’m posting it and my response below it. It's interesting. Just by reading the e-mails I of course look like the bad guy. It's interesting how when you don't see the full picture, from whatever side of the debate you are on, it can be misleading.
I'm sure I'll receive more letters telling me what a horible person I am. But I stand by what I said, "We need to be respectful of the cultures we visit."
Dear Suzi,I want to thank you so much for the wonderful experience I had in Jordan. I learned so much. I know that you and I did not part company on a very pleasant note and I want to correct that. The trip was more than I expected and I saw and experienced things that I never would have seen, had I not attended the Teacher Training Seminar. I am hopeful that you can also share this letter with our local tour guide.
As you may or may not have known, I am Jewish. Not only am I Jewish, I have been a Zionist for as long as I can remember. I supported Israel, planted trees and at one time even investigated moving to Israel, under the Right of Return. I have lived as a Kosher Jew for the last 20 years. I was married under the Chupa and observed the marraige and family laws. I have studied Judiasm, the Torah and our laws since I was 5 years old. I was confirmed at 16 and I raised my 4 children as Jews. The boys had a "bris" and Bar Mitzvahs.About 6 years ago my oldest daughter, attended San FrancsicoState University. She became involved with a Palestinian man and with an on campus group, which supported the Palestinians efforts to regain their state. My daughter and I had many heated arguments over this topic. I refused tosee the other side of the "Zionist" question.
This past June, I turned 60. I got the email regarding the trip to Jordan. I thought this might be the time to investigate the "other side of the issue." This is the first time I have looked at the Palestinian/Arab issue with an open mind. My family was terrified of my going to Jordan. My Jewish friends could not understand why I was going to Jordan and not Israel. I promised my children that I would cover my hair and keep my Zionist/Jewish identity under wraps. I'm not sure how well I succeed in this task, as I think our tour guide knew I was Jewish pretty quickly.
I want to thank you so much for helping me see the Arab/Palestinian point of view. I "lost it" during the film, My Kuffia, because I never realized that Palestinians had grandfathers. I never thought of them as having rights, families etc. When that realization hit me, I was overcome with emotion. I truly hope that film makes it out of Jordan. I want to thank you again for helping me see the other side of a truly heated and heartfelt issue. I hope to see Jordan again, possibly this December and I want you to know how much I appreciated you and our tour guide, the ultimate guides to a truly incredible country and an unforgettablelearning experience.With Peace in our time,
Suzi
Thank you for the touching email. I'm sure that we all agree that the trip has broadened our understanding of the conflicts in the Middle East. I am confused, however. Whatever makes you think that being a Zionist and a Jew excuses your self-centered and boorish behavior?
You were not the only Jew on the trip or the only woman to raise her children to be Jews. Yet your peers decided that instead of being loutish and indolent, they would be engaged and culturally sensitive. They did not get wasted each night, sleep with the local men, and then loudly brag about it at a restaurant. They learned as much as you did while not fulfilling the stereotype of the impolite, sluttish American woman.
Garay tried to emphasize the following point when he made us sign TWO agreements stating that we would behave in a professional and culturally sensitive manner. But apparently not everyone was listening, so I'll summarize it: Western nations have different priorities than other countries. In the west we emphasize personal and individual rights. Other countries, however, emphasize family honor, tribal history, and society as a whole. When we come in with our, "I'm going to do whatever I want to do..." attitude, we insult our hosts' values and culture and feed the unflattering western stereotype. Western expats living in Jordan must suffer under the burdens of this stereotype every day, and they don't have the luxury of leaving after a month.
For one month you spent your time insulting the very people you profess to have wanted to learn about. You were loud and crass; demeaning both their customs and beliefs. I will never forget sitting in the coffee shop near the Intercontinental Hotel with you loudly exclaiming, "Oh, oh, oh!!! Look at this! Can I believe my eyes? It's not hummus! It's not baba gannouj! It's good old AMERICAN BUTTER! I'm so damn tired of not having good old AMERICAN BUTTER!". as the waiters looked on. Do you think that they didn't go home complaining about the ill-mannered Americans sitting in their café that evening? Now that you have sent this "heartfelt" e-mail to our group, do you think that they have changed their minds?
Sincerely,
Lysa
17 comments:
Dear Ms. De Thomas,
It is unfortunate that you did not have the experience you were seeking in Jordan. And, I am sure my mothers bold lifestyle seems to have you unpleasantly disturbed you enough to write such a defensive and judgmental email. As I read your email, I see that my mothers humor does not necessarily translate positively during your travels. And from my mothers email to your group, speaking with her and reading her blog, do I think she was asking for forgiveness or a pardon for behavior because of her Jewish background? Absolutely, not. It is insane to me that you would write an email to your entire group to put your issues on blast.
I have traveled all over the world; bringing cultural groups to Cuba over 13 times, for two years I worked with the Moroccan Ministry of Culture bringing students and adults from all over Europe through Morocco and currently take trips 3 times a year working a cultural exchange between youth in Brooklyn, New York and youth from the City of Bahia, Salvador in Brazil. There are always people that live against the worlds constructs of gender, race and or religion. There have always been issues in lifestyle choices between members in a travel group that have not known one another before travel. But, never have I received an email from a group member to their entire travel group that blatantly attacks someone for their right make their own lifestyle choices.
Just as you claim that my mother, portrayed the "Sluttish American" women, you also have played the harped-wannabe liberal who can condemn her immediately for her actions. It seems either side of the coin you toss, North Americans love their dominating Western hegemony.
Regards Suzi Ferer-Fritsch's daughter
Suzi
We have spent two days pondering your email and contemplating whether or not to respond, thank you Lysa you said it all. From the first day we were offended by your outbursts and made a decision to distance ourselves. We believe the sincerity of your e-mail as you so eloquently shared your feelings, but what part of that information justified your rude, crass, insolent and embarrassing behavior. The "Ugly American" is alive and well in Jordan, unfortunately the damage has been done.
Ruth and Paul
Dear Suzi’s Daughter,
This trip in some ways both met and exceeded my expectations for group travel. I had both the opportunity to experience Jordan and the experience I went to Jordan seeking. I met wonderful Jordanian people, both through the arranged seminars, meetings and activities as well as during our free time. I learned about Jordanian and Arab culture, and about Middle Eastern history not only first hand, but also thorough the educational seminars and activities that were arranged for us. Just as the information we were sent about the seminar said that we would.
I think you have no idea of your mother’s behavior on the trip. Are you aware that while in Jordan, she consistently got drunk, refused to show up for seminars, noisily left activities in the middle, had loud and obnoxious outbursts in the middle of group discussions, left the group while on trips causing the local tour guide to have to leave his normal duties and go look for her,…? As a group leader yourself, can you honestly tell me that you consider this acceptable behavior or simply “humor” from a member of your group?
I have no idea why you have given me your resume of international travel. I assume that you believe this makes you more of an authority on traveling, or gives your next statements some credibility. Well, I won’t bore you with my resume. Let it suffice to say that I have been fortunate enough to not only have traveled extensively in both developed and developing nations all over the world, but to have lived and worked in many settings and with various communities in the fields of education and research. Often during this time, I have lived as a local in many areas of this world. I know very well first hand how peoples' behavior affects the local people's attitude towards their own culture as well as western culture in general. More so, I understand how it affects the lives of expats in that country, as well as reflecting upon the group as a whole.
When traveling as a member of a group, you are an official representative of that group. Your mother, by going with UC Santa Barbara as a group of American teachers, was representing not only the University of California as a whole, but teachers of the United States of America. What a shame for her to be reinforcing the image of a culture whose highest virtue is to sleep with young men and then brag about their exploits in public cafes and street side markets. Her behavior reinforces the image of morally deprived Americans presented on TV and in the movies - what a shame she was not able to project her other sides, but instead took on this as her public persona.
You ask if I think your mother was asking forgiveness for being Jewish. Certainly not. But by the timing of her letter many of us felt that she was using her Jewish Identity and historical epiphany as an excuse for her anti-social behavior. I did not see a connection and simply stated that. If you misunderstood, I am greatly sorry.
Lastly, no, I have not read her blog. I lost interest in reading her blog as I spent time removing the irrelevant and derogatory comments that she made to mine during the trip.
Once again, I assume from statements in your letter that you are not fully aware of your mother’s behavior on this trip. I understand as a daughter your desire to protect her, and hence the stand you have made, but in the future, if I were you, I would not be so quick to come to her defense, at least when people are discussing her social interactions.
Sincerely,
Lysa
Lysa
Thank you for taking the time to respond to Suzi as you did, I thought about it and felt some response was warranted, I just didn't know what it would look like, You did a wonderful job of stating the facts, not attacking and getting to the point, Bravo! You do not stand alone. I usually let these things be, but this was a hard one to ignore. Thank you again for taking a stand.
Enjoy the rest of your summer. I'm already back in school, fighting off the Jet Lag Monster.
Take care
Ruth and Paul
Lysa,
As one of the expats, thanks. I'm in a bit of a special position in that I'm not a regular part of the expat community as my in-laws are from here and I have a family. As a result, I see less of the negative impact of this type of behavior but I do see it. It was truly a pleasure for me, my kids, and my in-law to meet you and get to know you. I hope you will have the opportunity to come back to Jordan again and stay in a less formal environment!
Stupid fat assed bitch. If you weren't so ugly youd be able to get laid also. Stop eating, start fucking and you won't be so quick to judge!
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE PEOPLE! KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOUR SELF!
To whomever is writing these vulgar emails,
I have been telling people that ignorant people, (or a person), have been spamming my blog since I was in Jordan and that I have just been deleting the posts. Now since I have turned on a feature that allows me to delete a post, but leaves a marker that the post has been deleted, they will be able to see that posts have been made, but will not have to sift through all their vulgarity.
I really think that you need to get a life. Truly there must be better things to do then to write than to me and tell me that the only reason I am upset is because I am so fat that I can't do what she did.
1- I have a wonderful boyfriend. Why would I ever disrespect him by acting the way she did?
2- I noticed that people keep on focusing on the fact that I was upset that Suzi was loudly discussing her sexual exploits, but if you go back you will see that I spoke about all sorts of unprofessional behavior; being rude to hotel and restaurant staff, coming to class and activities late, not attending activities, dressing in low cut shirts, having loud inappropriate outbursts in the middle of NGO's and meetings with ministers and other officials, loudly criticizing Jordan and its culture in public places...
Why don't people complain that I complained about these things? Is it because you know that she really was wrong or is is just easier to pick on me thereby diverting the attention from my original statement of, "When we are traveling overseas, especially in a group, we must remember that our behavior reflects upon the other people in our group and to our culture as a whole?"
Lysa:
After your email to Suzi, and remembering how nice she was to you in Jordan, I decided that you are someone I would never want in my life. I have so much to say about you and your email, but decided you aren't worth it as you are something I can't respect -- a hypocrite. At least Ruth never pretended to like Suzi and be her friend.
So I got this email and it reminded me of you ... I hope you will read it and take it to heart...of course I believe you are the type to spout advice and pontificate, having no interest in someone else's views or really getting to know someone before you judge. With your terrible weight problem I would think you of all people would know what it is like to be judged from outside before people really know you. You really did not know Suzi at all and had no right to judge her as harshly as you did.
I hope you can understand why I felt you should see this email and see how it applies to you and your mean-spirited email to Suzi. But I have my doubts....sadly...
Marilyn
Interesting Question:
This was the question that was going around when the "family values" crowd was out to bring down President Clinton by exposing his private life with regard to his extramarital affairs. Currently there are twenty-three members and former members of Congress under investigation; twenty of them are Republicans.
It's worth reviewing due to our upcoming election because they are constantly trying to regulate your private life, your religious beliefs, your sexual orientation and what you do with your own bodies. When in fact, they are the worst offenders.
Here's the question:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts.
Here are the facts about the three candidates. Who would you vote for?
Candidate A.
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.
He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B.
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon , had a mistress, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an
occasional beer, and never cheated on his wife.
Which of these candidates would be your choice?
scroll down for the response.
Candidate A ..... is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B ..... is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C ..... is Adolph Hitler.
Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.
Semantic games and the offering facts out of context to deliberately mislead people is a common tactic. It is becomes even more advantageous to the malicious writer when people blindly pass on the misinformation.
This is not an "interesting question" or a "moralistic commentary". It is simply grammatical gymnastics.
* Hitler was not a vegetarian for moral reasons. He had great gastric problems and so in his later life ate very little meat, occasionally going on vegetarian binges so that his chronic excessive flatulence was less noxious
* Hitler had affairs with many women. Some died under "mysterious" circumstances. But since he was never married, one technically state that he never had an "extra-marital" affair. The statement is no indication that he was kind or moralistic.
To get back to the problem at hand:
Suzi's behavior was inappropriate. She offended many of our Jordanian guests and our UCSB coordinators and leaders. When we had a staff member at my school who refused to go to meetings and seminars, left school while it was still in session, had loud inappropriate out bursts at work, and so on, she was removed because of her unprofessional behavior. The fact that any of the people who spoke up were not a size that you consider normal was never part of the equation and had no bearing on the inappropriateness or the acceptance of her behavior.
http://www.snopes.com/glurge/twoquestions.asp
http://michaelbluejay.com/veg/hitler.html
http://libaware.economads.com/hitlernotveg.php
http://www.slate.com/id/2096259/
Lysa you are a stupid fat HOR.
"Anonymous said...
Lysa you are a stupid fat HOR."
A little unclear on the definition and the spelling of the word "whore" aren't we?
The bible says that you should not judge. It also says that you should forgive. You should never have judged Suzi's behavior. People have a right to behave and do whatever they want. How did she hurt you or anyone else?
I hope she forgives you for judging her or else you are going to burn in hell.
you are an evil, selfcentered, horrible person! How can you do this to poor Suzi. Just because you aren't pretty you feel the need to attack her!
What a sad excuse for a human being you are!
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